I See You

Not so long ago I prayed through Ignatius' Spiritual Exercises, to be specific the "19th annotation" - a way of making the Exercises in daily life. As part of engaging with the Exercises I started using the Ignatian practice of what I term "Beholding" before engaging in prayer (see end for original wording). The invitation is for the space of about a minute, to stand to the side of my chair where I will sit to pray and turn my attention, my heart, and my mind's eye to behold God beholding me. What is the expression on His face? What does it communicate to me of how He feels about me? For some it could be a sense, a feeling, an emotion, a piece of scripture, a thought or picture that comes to mind or a combination of these and more. For me though I see in my imagination each member of the Godhead - Father God, or Jesus, or Holy Spirit. Sometimes in turn, sometimes I rest with one, sometimes we are all together.

Look of Love

This morning I stopped in my tracks. I realised "I see the face of God every day" that is astounding! Every day before we sit down and talk, in this quiet standing and looking I experience God's tender, relentless love for me. It get's better though, as I respond to His love, as my heart lifts towards Him, as I receive His gaze and my emotions shift, He responds to my response! Stunning. We have had periods of ever deepening heart love, periods of giggling at each other giggling (You think God doesn't giggle?!) or roaring with laughter, times when He has enfolded me in His arms, or when I have been aware of Him behind me resting His chin on my shoulder, curious and engaged. The last couple of days Father God has been right in front of me, hands on my cheeks and simply gazing into my eyes. I have never felt so powerfully, intentionally and intensely loved. And it get's even better! Having spent this time of beholding, responding, experiencing the presence of my Father, then throughout the day I can lean back into Him. When I'm talking to someone, or working or driving the car, I can lean into the experience for a moment and ask "What are we doing here Father? What does love look like here? What do you want me to do/say?". His presence is accessible, His love is visible, experiential and I am undone in gratitude. My heart, so filled with love for Him that if feels too much for a body to hold, overflows with worship to Him.

If even 5 years ago someone had told me this was possible it would have sounded too good to be true, I would have suspected a con or that "weirdness was afoot". But this is accessible for all of us, I do not have any "unique, only available to Melinda" ability to see God more than anyone else. We can all engage in this looking at the One who is already looking at us. It is certainly worth giving it a try don't you think?

Ignatius put it in his Spiritual Exercises under the title "Additional Directions" - which are guidelines 'to help one to go through the exercises better and find more readily what they desire' (Exx 73.1) the original wording is as follows.

I will stand for the space of an Our Father, a step or two before the place where I am to meditate or contemplate, and with my mind raised on high, consider that God our Lord beholds me, etc. Then I will make an act of reverence of humility. (Exx 75 - Puhl)

Incidentally I have great affection for Ignatius use of etc. in this paragraph. There is so much liberty for the Exercitant in the Spiritual Exercises.